What is fair?

Ok, I know I've been gone a while. I come with a note from Sam explaining my absence.

So there I was working on a current project o' mine when a cyber friend came calling. I didn't realize how much time had gone by, since I last inventoried the stores of my vast imagination and put them to pen...er keyboard. I told my friend where my time was consumed as of late and not to worry, I had plenty o'things to say.

Ok ladies, helmets on, lap belts securely fastened, who knows where this thing is going, ya might wanna leave some bred crumbs behind...

My mind, (as most of you know, is a totally separate entity from the rest of me)has travelled to a miilion places lately, sometimes good, sometimes not. The following quote I will share with you, defines for me, what my heart feels and my soul acknowledges. (like to hear it, here it goes, to borrow a phrase from In Living Color);

There is a pleasure in the pathless woods,
There is a rapture on the lonely shore,
There is society, where none intrudes,
By the deep sea, and music in its roar:
I love not man the less, but Nature more.

Lord Byron

This little ditty resonates with me because, in it's tale, I see a nomad, a wanderer. Me. The female version of the hitchhiker...with a dog. Katie's too dang mean to take with us. We would probably get into trouble for the trail of dead carcasses she would leave behind. You know, your usual assortment of rodents, the occasional horse, caped buffalo and any other thing she could drag down. And quite frankly, who needs that? I mean, really!

Have you ever wondered about just walking off into the sunset? (Ok, maybe it's this cold medication I've been taking. I read the ingredients and its safe...for day surgery, minor amputations, and frontal lobotomy's.) I have. A couple of things keep me from actually doing it; I couldn't carry everything I needed and fifty pounds of dog food, too. And...I'm not a quitter. Ok, I quit on my diet...aaaand I quit picking my nose in public, but it's only because my husband refused to take me to dinner, any more. Coward!

I must confess to you (shhh don't tell anyone) I've been looking in the rear-view mirror a lot lately. Looking at all the "might've beens. An extremely unusual experience for me (unlike drawing on my face with war paint before I go to pick up my grandson from day care). My life has been pretty dog-poopy lately (potty mouth) which makes all those visions a little clearer and a little more painful to realize I chose a different path, you know, the one with all the craters in it. I think I just need 17 days in Jamaica(mon)with a umbrella in my drink...uh, that's a patio umbrella.

In the words of one Dr. Phil;what is your reality?

Here is my truth of my reality; life stinks sometimes and no, it is anything but fair, ESPECIALLY when your first husband was a complete doo-head (ok, I'll watch my mouth).There are no do-overs, yes, you must pick up the doggy waist outta the backyard, and rip the rearview mirrow from your mind.

I get angry sometimes with the course of my life. I keep looking for the justice in things, I keep looking for the pay back. I've already decided how it should look and maybe that's why I can't find it. Maybe it's not a payback for perceived wrongs done to me, but instead a reward for how I deal with them. And if that is how I should view things, I would then, not be looking in the rear view mirror keeping score, but in front of me, fulfilling MY dreams.

So, there you have it, my thoughts for this place in time. Thank you for letting me share. I gotta go NOW, Katie is chasing Sammy, hell-bent on destruction. RUN SAMMY, RUN. MOMMA'S COMIN'!