Shot through the heart

I have to learn how to protect myself from what others say.  This is so hard to do.  I am a giver. I love to help others but it seems everything I do it is turned around by people and they hurt me. 

I'm trying this year not to say "YES" to everyone who asks me to join their group, activity, etc.  This isn't normal for me. I always have been there and helping out.

  I have to learn to help me first. My drs keep telling me that, my friend tonight told me that I have to start taking care/helping me.  One of them said if I don't do for me who will. That is right. I have been through so much and where was my support.  But I have to be there to help them.

But why does my heart feel like it has been shot to pieces because I'm not doing what I love to do. It isn't a control thing that I must help. It is just the way I was brouht up. My mom was the same way. Help others put you last. 

This site has helped me by some of the wonderful post that are getting me to think hard about my life.  Things I should of been thinking about but shoved them deep away from the foreground.

My friend told me that I am helping which I bet most moms don't think they are: helping our kids grow into adults, helping our husbands and our relationships, helping where we work or at home. I never thought of the things I do in my life for my family and work are helping. She is right. Now I have to help me.  

Where to begin is the first question I have to ask myself. Lots to think about