Jumping off the high dive of life

This was the subject line of an email a friend recently sent me. As soon as I read it I knew what it was about. The last few times we were together she mentioned her indecision about having a third child. We reviewed the positives and negatives and now it seemed that she had decided to go for it.

I had been planning to blog about this subject for awhile now when coincidentally there was an article in today's Washington Post titled, "Gearing up: Going for broke with that third kid." The slant of the article was that this couple was planning a third child and people they knew were horrified that they would do this in such economically unstable times - claiming it was fiscally irresponsible, almost gluttonous.

In my world I feel like it is the opposite. In my sprawling suburban community it seems as though three kids is the norm. I even have a few friends with four and one person I know had her fifth child when her oldest was in kindergarden (with no twins!). Here I am with my two little girls just trying to stay above water and remember to get the laundry done and pay the bills on time, not to mention coming up with an inventive new dinner on a semi-monthly basis.

Even the Hollywood stars are mutiplying like crazy. I mean if Victoria Beckham and Angelina Jolie can pop 'em out the way they do shouldn't the rest of us who actually have hips be able to keep up? What is wrong with me? I'm tired, that's what. In theory three kids sounds good but when you actually think about the blood, sweat, tears and cold hard cash that are involved in it all it doesn't necessarily add up.

Last month the Department of Agriculture estimated that the cost of raising a child in American until the age of 18 was $204,000. That sounds kind of low to me. They definitely are not figuring in $15,000 a year for Montessori school or $500 per week for some of the tonier summer camps. What about the monthly cost of ballet, soccer, and karate times two (or three!)?

Don't get me wrong - I am not saying these things are necessary nor do I do them for my own children. That is a very personal decision. What is perfectly normal to spend on a child varies wildly depending on parenting style and personal situation. It seems that my husband and I have decided to stop at two and maybe retire a few years earlier than stretch things out by going for a third.

In a way I am a little jealous of my friend. Just thinking back to the excitement of being pregnant, all of the attention and anticipation. However, I am also satisfied with the knowledge that my "average-sized family" is complete and can now look to the future. Family vacations when you don't have to schedule around nap time, not worrying about if we need to pack the stroller for the little one, transferring car seats when they visit grandma...I hope we won't regret not having a third one day but all we can do is make the best decision for us based on our current situation. And I will be the first to volunteer to help plan a baby shower for my friend!