End of summer blues

Motherhood is a wonderful thing. We have our ups and downs. The days we love mothering and the days we can really use a break. But summer is always a time for treasured moments and laughter, popsicles and pleasures...until August hits. By August, we mothers are usually hot, tired, and in need of a little quiet time. We're ready to have our big-girl lives back. That doesn't mean that we don't love our children, just that we love our sanity, and sometimes sanity needs to be rejuvenated by our own schedules for a few hours of the day; aka school hours.

For me, this August is not one of the usual Augusts. This summer I do not crave any me time, any down time. My children have reached the age that for an hour at a time they are happy doing their own thing, which gives me time to do my own thing. Here's the problem. I cannot figure out what my own thing is when I've planned for children time and not my time. So I find myself floundering during those down times - even sometimes just reading instead of doing my own thing. This feels wonderful at times, and awful at others. Sometimes guilt over takes me because I think I should be doing something productive if the children are occupied - then I high speed it into the laundry toting, vacuuming, straightening up mad woman who forgets how to turn it off when the kids are done with their own "me" time and ready to actually want or need me to be with them. Urgh...where is that middle ground?

This summer has gone by so quickly that I am not ready for them to go back to school full time - except that I know I'll get my editing done and that is very fulfilling. But again..these months have flown by so quickly that it makes me wonder...Are the next years going to go by even faster? Is it all going to be a blur in three more years?

So I find myself in a state of Summertime Blues. As much as I want the kids to go back to school to see their friends again and learn as their little minds should be learning, I also crave the time with them - even the hair pulling, screaming, mess making times. Yes, I will miss them greatly.

Anyone else find themselves in a place of unrest?