Copyright 2008 Martha Trowbridge
“Sleep With The Angels!”
by Martha Trowbridge
When I was a child, “Sleep with the Angels!” was my mother’s evening-tide farewell. At the time, these words meant nothing. As far as I could determine, Angels were just another figment of the Christian imagination. Besides, why would I want to sleep with Angels? From what I’d been taught, they lived in heaven, which meant, if I were to sleep with them, I’d have to be dead!
Then trauma [1] took control of me. And the only thing farther from my reality than Angels was my ability to sleep.
The cruelest aspect of trauma and depression is that we cannot access restful sleep.
With trauma, our agitation is intense. If it isn’t nightmares torturing us, it’s our profound inability to relax. Or the fact that every sound amplifies into a red-alert signal, evoking in our already weary bodies painful, over-vigilant arousal. Or that seemingly without provocation, terrifying memories ambush us.
With depression, conversely, our state of Spirit is often near-death. Grief, swamping sadness, a sense of utter failure, despair, shame, heartbreak and other acutely painful negative thoughts, memories and feelings prevent us from sleeping peacefully.
Traumatic depression is the horrible Spirit thrashing of both these phenomena -- depression and trauma -- simultaneously.
Regardless of the nature of our sufferings, painful intrusions upon our weary Spirit make the prospect of going to sleep terrifying. How we fear another endless night, in which rather than being revitalized, we grow even more exhausted!
Where can we turn?
One trustworthy source is your Spirit Helpers. Spirit Helpers are any and all energies, experiences and entities [such as Angels] who assist your Spirit, especially when She is in grave need. Kindness, patience, purity, gentleness, caring, goodness, and sublime strength are their hallmarks. Experience your Spirit Helpers' awesome assistance, and you will be forever transformed.
If I may share a personal encounter.......
One fallout of my trauma was that I stopped driving. And the longer I didn’t drive, the more fearful of driving I became.
After years away from the wheel, at last I got the courage to try to drive again. It was a real test: I now lived in the country, with five miles of dirt road to travel til pavement. I was miles and miles from everything -- totally opposite to my forty-plus years of city life.
Then, one summer day, enroute back from the Capitol, twenty miles from my home, a severe electrical storm with torrential flooding rains struck. At this point, I was comfortable driving only in sunshine, on low-traffic country roads. But there I was, on the busy interstate, fourteen-wheelers and arrogant SUV drivers sweeping all about me, as in the right lane I traveled at 40 mph.
Today, I can chuckle about it, recalling the scene: angry drivers tail-gating and blasting their horns as they sped past me. But it wasn’t funny then. What to do? With the dim visibility, pulling off the road would probably be dangerous. Panicking would be even more dangerous.
Thankfully, just the day before I’d been thinking of writing about Angels in a column. I was also thinking of my recently departed Mother, who over and over had urged me to get back to driving, so as not to be dependent on my husband, as she -- who never drove -- had always been on hers.
Immersed in the storm's fury, attempting to keep calm, I did what my Mother would have suggested: I called on Angels to surround my car with their white light and graceful, protective Energy.
And lo and behold, within a moment, I actually felt them fluttering within and around my car! Through the violent storm, safely, they ushered me. It was as if I no longer had to operate my vehicle. It was strange and awesome and glorious. Not only did I travel peacefully all the way home, I had an experience I will never forget.
That night, this Angel-encounter helped me in yet another powerful way: for the first time in more than a decade, my sleep was oh so wonderful, and remained so, for scores of nights thereafter.
Angels need not have any specific religious association. However you imagine them, their pure, wholesome, kind and compassionate Energy inarguably exists. The more attuned to it I grow, the more I feel it. And the more wonder it works, transmuting my life.
I am delighted to have discovered it!
If you have trouble with the concept of Angels, perhaps it would help if you think of them as symbols. As embodiments of goodness and kindness. Perhaps then, you can feel free enough to open up your self to their compassionate, glorious aide.
Remember, they are your Angels. Your personal, private Spirit Helpers. You alone choose their colors, their tones, their garb. You alone choose the very special Energy you need, to help you heal from your specific pain.
Your Spirit Helpers are there, right there, for your experiencing -- exquisite creatures who will encircle your suffering Spirit, caress you, and help you to once again be loving toward your self, and to be loved.
At nap-time or night-time, in times of stress, or in times of sheer exhaustion, call upon the Angels in your Universe! Seek their uplifting! They are there for you. They have seen much. They are wise and strong and oh so gloriously giving.
Angels are fabulous. For my mother’s last Christmas, I made her an apron. Amazingly, the fabric I chose was adorned with adorable smiling Angels, colored pink with blue and yellow trim, on a lovely parchment-color background. For the lining I chose soft yellow sateen. How beautiful that apron was! How evocative of everything that is warm, and caring, and pure, and safe!
As I sewed the apron, I had no idea my mother would die before another Christmas came round. I had no idea that my choice of Angel fabric foreshadowed the fact that she would soon be thoroughly Spirit.
How grateful I am for what my Mother tried to tell me as a child, when night after night she bade me “Sleep with the Angels!”
From her Angelic state, her voice echoes through my Spirit; and as it does, I comprehend the wisdom of her words.
Reflection: If you could imagine three qualities you would absolutely love in a Spirit Helper, right now, what are they? How would you utilize each of these three qualities, to help your Spirit in its wondrous resuscitation?
As You Prepare To Rebirth: Next time you are having difficulty accessing restful sleep, sit up in bed and click on your lamp. Take a fresh piece of paper and a pencil, and freely record whatever thoughts and feelings are intruding upon your sleep-efforts.
When you feel you have recorded these things fully, close your eyes and imagine placing them into a huge burlap sack. Pull tight the sack's drawstring closure. Smile. Imagine that a wonderful assisting Energy hovers over your bed, and is reaching down to lift this sack high in the air, to carry it away. Imagine her. Feel her kindness. Feel her caring. Feel her divine strength. Now, holding these feelings in your heart, allow her to emit into your heart light, compassion and joy. Imagine her hovering, just above your bed. Watch as her lovely hand takes hold of your sack. Feel the sack lifting, up and away from your weary Spirit. Imagine her face -- she is beaming. Imagine her purity of purpose, there with you -- how totally devoted she is to you! What color is her dress [or however you perceive her clothing]? What does she look like? Can you discern her name? What about her can you hold on to, so that the next time you need her, you can call upon her?
NOTES:
1. As a victim of violence, for many years I suffered what psychologists call 'Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder' [PTSD], including Traumatic Depression. In my lexicon, this term is inappropriate: there is no 'post' when you suffer from trauma's aftermaths. Until you resolve your sufferings, your trauma lives on.